It would be nice to capture the definition of reflexivity without referring to the base set. However, reflexivity is actually trying to capture something important about the base set:
A relation $R$ is reflexive $\Leftrightarrow$ for every element $x$ in the base set $X$, we have that $xRx$, or in other words $\langle x, x\rangle \in R$.
This definition is slightly different from "every element that's related to anything is also related to itself". Here's an example that shows why:
Let $X_{all}$ be the set of all positive integers, and let $X_{even}$ be the set of even numbers. Define a relation
$$\begin{eqnarray*}
R_1 & \equiv \{\langle x, x\rangle \in X_{all} : x\text{ is even}\}\\
R_2 & \equiv \{\langle x, x\rangle \in X_{even} : x\text{ is even}\}\\
\end{eqnarray*}$$
Now, $R_2 \subseteq X_{even}\times X_{even}$ is reflexive because for every element $x$ in $X_{even}$, $\langle x, x\rangle \in R_2$.
However, $R_1 \subseteq X_{all} \times X_{all}$ is not reflexive: there are elements such as $3\in X_{all}$ which belong to the base set $X_{all}$ but which are not related to themselves.
$R_1$ is a relation where "every element that is related to something is also related to itself", but $R_1$ fails to be a reflexive relation because not every element in the base set is related to itself.
Oh, I think I see now. You're wondering why your alternative definition doesn't capture the
idea of reflexivity better than the standard definition—that is, "the relation mentions a few elements that are paired together, and all of the ones mentioned must be related to each other". I think that's a nice minimal definition, actually, because it refers only to the relation $R$ as a set and not to the ambient set $X$ in which it's embedded (as you point out). The standard definition of reflexivity has nice properties, but it could be that relations with your suggested definition have nice properties, too.