1) For the first question, you rightly found the frames of the two planes through their parametric equations, which is one of the possible methods.
2) Concerning the linear transformation, we shall note that each plane is characterized by $3$ indipendent parameters:
the four coefficients, deducted a common multiplier.
The linear transformation has $9+3=12$ parameters to be determined: so there are many that can be chosen.
For instance, the common intersection line is clearly an invariant under the transformation.
If as the position vector of both of the frames we choose a point on the line, e.g. $(0,0,3)^T$, then we can put $\bf b=0$.
That means that we consider the origin placed there, and are going to find the transformation between the frames, or
in other words that we are considering the transformation from $(x,y,z-3)$ to $(x',y',z'-3)$.
Then , if as vector of both of the frames we choose one parallel to the intersection line, e.g. $\bf u=(1,1,1)^T$, this shall not vary
and we can look for a matrix that keeps $\bf u$ unchanged, while bringing one of the vectors of $P_1$ that you already found,
e.g. $\bf v_1=(1,0,1)^T$, (*) into one of those of $P_2$, e.g. $\bf v_2=(4,1,0)^T$.
----
note (*): there is a typo in your parametric eq. for $P_1$
----
That is
$$
\left( {\matrix{
1 & 4 \cr
1 & 1 \cr
1 & 0 \cr
} } \right) = {\bf A}\;\left( {\matrix{
1 & 1 \cr
1 & 0 \cr
1 & 1 \cr
} } \right)
$$
Now, we normally want $\bf A$ to be a full rank matrix, so that it is invertible.
To achieve this we can include a third vector $\bf w_1$ and $\bf w_2$, each indipendent from the other two,
which means that each one does not lie on the corresponding plane.
That also means that we can put ${\bf w_1}= {\bf w_2}={\bf w}$, with $\bf w$ being a vector not lying on either plane.
And more, it means that we can also put ${\bf w_1}= {\bf v_2}$ and ${\bf w_2}= {\bf v_1}$.
Thereafter we can compute ${\bf A}$ as ${\bf V_2}{\bf V_1^{-1}}$.
.
For example
$$
\left( {\matrix{
1 & 4 & 1 \cr
1 & 1 & 0 \cr
1 & 0 & 1 \cr
} } \right) = \left( {\matrix{
1 & { - 3} & 3 \cr
0 & 0 & 1 \cr
0 & 1 & 0 \cr
} } \right)\;\left( {\matrix{
1 & 1 & 4 \cr
1 & 0 & 1 \cr
1 & 1 & 0 \cr
} } \right)
$$
which then returns
$$
\eqalign{
& 0 = \left( {\matrix{
1 & { - 4} & 3 \cr
} } \right)\left( {\matrix{
{x'} \cr
{y'} \cr
{z' - 3} \cr
} } \right) = \left( {\matrix{
1 & { - 4} & 3 \cr
} } \right)\left( {\matrix{
1 & { - 3} & 3 \cr
0 & 0 & 1 \cr
0 & 1 & 0 \cr
} } \right)\;\left( {\matrix{
x \cr
y \cr
{z - 3} \cr
} } \right) = \cr
& = \left( {\matrix{
1 & 0 & { - 1} \cr
} } \right)\left( {\matrix{
x \cr
y \cr
{z - 3} \cr
} } \right) \cr}
$$
Or you can write
$$
\eqalign{
& \left( {\matrix{
{x'} \cr
{y'} \cr
{z'} \cr
} } \right) - \left( {\matrix{
0 \cr
0 \cr
3 \cr
} } \right) = \left( {\matrix{
1 & { - 3} & 3 \cr
0 & 0 & 1 \cr
0 & 1 & 0 \cr
} } \right)\left( {\left( {\matrix{
x \cr
y \cr
z \cr
} } \right) - \left( {\matrix{
0 \cr
0 \cr
3 \cr
} } \right)} \right)\quad \Rightarrow \cr
& \Rightarrow \quad \left( {\matrix{
{x'} \cr
{y'} \cr
{z'} \cr
} } \right) = \left( {\matrix{
1 & { - 3} & 3 \cr
0 & 0 & 1 \cr
0 & 1 & 0 \cr
} } \right)\left( {\matrix{
x \cr
y \cr
z \cr
} } \right) - \left( {\matrix{
9 \cr
3 \cr
{ - 3} \cr
} } \right) \cr}
$$
Finally, concerning your idea to send 3 points of $P_1$ to 3 points of $P_2$, that is also a possible
approach, working in homogeneous coordinates. So for example, putting
$$
{\bf V}_{\,1} = \left( {\matrix{
0 & { - 3} & 0 \cr
0 & 0 & 1 \cr
3 & 0 & 3 \cr
} } \right)\quad {\bf V}_{\,{\bf 2}} = \left( {\matrix{
0 & 9 & 1 \cr
0 & 0 & 1 \cr
3 & 0 & 4 \cr
} } \right)\quad \Rightarrow \quad {\bf A} = {\bf V}_{\,{\bf 2}} \,{\bf V}_{\,1} ^{\, - \,{\bf 1}} = \left( {\matrix{
{ - 3} & 1 & 0 \cr
0 & 1 & 0 \cr
0 & 1 & 1 \cr
} } \right)
$$
then
$$
\eqalign{
& 0 = \left( {\matrix{
1 & { - 4} & 3 & { - 9} \cr
} } \right)\left( {\matrix{
{x'} \cr
{y'} \cr
{z'} \cr
1 \cr
} } \right) = \left( {\matrix{
1 & { - 4} & 3 & { - 9} \cr
} } \right)\left( {\matrix{
{ - 3} & 1 & 0 & 0 \cr
0 & 1 & 0 & 0 \cr
0 & 1 & 1 & 0 \cr
0 & 0 & 0 & 1 \cr
} } \right)\;\left( {\matrix{
x \cr
y \cr
z \cr
1 \cr
} } \right) = \cr
& = \left( {\matrix{
{ - 3} & 0 & 3 & { - 9} \cr
} } \right)\;\left( {\matrix{
x \cr
y \cr
z \cr
1 \cr
} } \right) = \left( {\matrix{
{ - 1} & 0 & 1 & { - 3} \cr
} } \right)\;\left( {\matrix{
x \cr
y \cr
z \cr
1 \cr
} } \right) \cr}
$$