This is related to a previous question.
Consider the quasiordered set $Q = \{\bot, q,q', \top\}$ with $q \lesssim q'$ and $q \lesssim q',$ such that $\bot$ is the unique least element and $\top$ the unique greatest element. In this structure, there is clearly a strong sense in which $q$ and $q'$ are indistinguishable. For example, we have that:
$$(\forall x \in Q) \;\; x \lesssim q \iff x \lesssim q'$$
Now consider, on the other hand, the diamond poset $D = \{\bot,d,d',\top\}.$ Then okay, $d$ and $d'$ are "weakly" indistinguishable, for example no first-order formula in the language of posets can distinguish them, since after all, we can find an poset automorphism $\alpha : D \rightarrow D$ that permutes $d$ and $d'$. Which means, that for example, we can uniformly substitute $d$ with $d'$ without changing anything. For example, $d \leq d$, so therefore $d' \leq d'$. However, notice that we cannot just substitute $d$ with $d'$ willy-nilly, for example just because $d \leq d$ is true, does not mean $d \leq d'$ is true. So we might say that $d$ and $d'$ fail to be "strongly indistinguishable."
Along a similar vein, let $\alpha : D \rightarrow D$ denote the unique non-trivial such automorphism (the one that permutes $d$ and $d'$). Then although it holds universally that $$x \leq y \iff \alpha(x) \leq \alpha(y)$$
nonetheless it does not hold universally that
$$x \leq y \iff x \leq \alpha(y).$$
So in some sense, $\alpha$ is not a "strong automorphism" of $D$.
What I want to know is, what is the "correct" definition of "strongly indistinguishable" and/or "strong automorphism"?
This seems to be a very general phenomenon, and we can often get the "correct" definitions in an ad hoc manner. This allows us to take a quotient that identifies strongly indistinguishable elements. For example, we can define:
In a quasiordered set... two points $x$ and $y$ are strongly indistinguishable iff $x \lesssim y$ and $y \lesssim x.$
In a pseudometric space... iff $d(x,y)=0.$
In a topological space... iff their neighbourhood filters are equal.
In a measure space... two measurable sets $A$ and $B$ are strongly indistinguishable iff $\mu(A\, \Delta\, B) = 0.$
So, I am wondering, is there is a generic definition of "strongly indistinguishable" that yields the correct specific definition when applied to any given structure? We would like to be able to take a quotient that identifies indistinguishable elements while preserving basically everything that is interesting about the structure of interest.
Edit. I'm also interested to know whether there is an abstract category-theoretic definition of "strong automorphism."