Not entirely sure if this is what you're asking for or not, but let's give this a go.
Observe that at any point $(p,q)\in P\times Q$ we can write
$$T_{(p,q)}P\times Q\simeq T_pP\oplus T_qQ,$$
where $T_qQ$ is imbedded in $T_{(p,q)}P\times Q$ as the tangent space of the submanifold $\{p\}\times Q$, and similarly for $T_pP$.
Then if $\phi :P\times Q\to P\times Q$ is a smooth map, and $\phi(p,q)=(p',q')$, its differential gives a map
$$\phi_* : T_pP\oplus T_qQ \to T_{p'}P\oplus T_{q'}Q.$$
Therefore we can write $\phi_*$ as a matrix
$$\phi_* = \begin{pmatrix} A & B \\ C & D \end{pmatrix},$$
where
$$A : T_pP\to T_{p'}P,$$
$$B:T_qQ\to T_{p'}P,$$
$$C:T_pP\to T_{q'}Q,$$
$$D:T_qQ\to T_{q'}Q.$$
You can check that if we unravel the definitions, we have $A$ is the differential of the map $P\to P'$ defined by $p\mapsto \pi_1(\phi(p,q))$, i.e., holding $q$ constant. Similarly, $B$ is the differential of the map $Q\to P$ given by $q\mapsto \pi_1(\phi(p,q))$.
We get similar results for $C$ and $D$.
Let's not focus too much on the details, since I think this will become more clear if we apply it to your particular case of interest.
Let $G$ and $H$ be Lie groups, $\alpha : G\to H$ a Lie group homomorphism.
Define $\phi : G\times H \to G\times H$ by $(g,h)\mapsto (g,\alpha(g)h)$. We want to compute its differential.
$A$ is the differential of the map $g\mapsto g$, since we're holding $h$ constant and projecting onto the first factor. Thus $A=1$ is the identity map.
$B$ is the differential of the map $h\mapsto g$, holding $g$ constant. Thus $B=0$.
$C$ is the differential of the map $g\mapsto \alpha(g)h$, holding $h$ constant, so $C=r_{h*}\alpha_*$.
Finally $D$ is the differential of the map $h\mapsto \alpha(g)h$, holding $g$ constant, so $D=\ell_{\alpha(g)*}$.
Thus we have that the differential of $(g,h)\mapsto (g,\alpha(g)h)$ is given at a point $(g,h)$ by
$$\begin{pmatrix} 1 & 0 \\ r_{h*}\alpha_* & \ell_{\alpha(g)*} \end{pmatrix}.$$
In the particular case where $G\subseteq H$, so $\alpha$ is just the inclusion, we have that the differential is
$$\begin{pmatrix} 1 & 0 \\ r_{h*} & \ell_{g*} \end{pmatrix}.$$
If $X\in \mathfrak{g}\subseteq \mathfrak{h}$, $Y\in\mathfrak{h}$, then in this last case, we have
$$\phi_*(X,Y) = \begin{pmatrix} 1 & 0 \\ r_{h*} & \ell_{g*} \end{pmatrix}\begin{pmatrix} X \\ Y\end{pmatrix} = \begin{pmatrix} X \\ Xh + gY \end{pmatrix}$$
If we're identifying the tangent spaces via left multiplication, then $gY_h\in T_{gh}H$ corresponds to the same element of $\mathfrak{h}$ as $Y_h$, and $X_gh=gX_eh = ghh^{-1}X_eh = gh\operatorname{Ad}_{h^{-1}}X_e$.
Thus we end up with $\phi_*(X,Y) = (X,\operatorname{Ad}_{h^{-1}}X+Y)$.